Filed under: Etsy, Family, Food, Living, Questions | Tags: Etsy, life, Living, Music, thoughts
Right now, I’m conteplating so many things:
-selling my new scarves in my etsy shop
-opening an ArtFire account
-throwing random stuff up for sale on ebay
-eating nothing but cake for dinner for the entire month of March
-how I should start packing for the move
-when I’m going to finish my next mix CD I’ve got rolling around in my head and on this little yellow index card
-why I can’t stop listening to this song
Always questioning:
-why I’m a bad daughter
-how much is too much for my etsy shop
-am I the theif or the creator
-why you are always on my mind
-why reality tv is so captivating
October 1st, 2008
Seriously, what the hell is up with me? Well, I think it’s time to come clean, to lay it out on the table, be free of it…
I am not myself anymore.
I mean I am not the person I thought I was striving to be, I’m better than that.
August of this year turned me upside down, and if you need a point of reference listen to this entire album from start to finish (not on shuffle) and you’ll understand just a little bit. If you want the Cliff’s Notes version here goes:
-Everything I had come to know as my routine, my being, my center, my marriage, my living situation, my feelings on the state of the world has changed so dramatically that I find it hard to even slow down and recognize where I am or what I am doing.
-I feel more alive than I have in years, or maybe I just woke up for the first time.
-Happiness and comfort are not the same thing.
-Trust has a lot more to do with understanding and realization, than familiarity and assumption.
-I am having a hard time letting out what I need to let out and it’s getting awfully crowded inside my head.
-Losing touch with the outside world is self-alienation and is only counterproductive.
I am not lost anymore and I have so many obligations to fulfill starting with getting my blog up-to-date, September proved to be a very difficult month to complete, so that is my goal for today. I didn’t not complete my 365 blogging commitment out of laziness or out of forgetfulness, it was nothing so surface as that. I was afraid to write, August was too much, too easy, too exposed… I held back in September. I need to find that in between.
Here’s to a new month.
September 18th, 2008
I’m so behind on my blogging.
My Google Reader runneth over.
Smallville and Survivor start tonight.
I really don’t want to do anything I should be doing. I want to make necklaces and watch old Stargates.
This juice is really good.
Filed under: dork-out | Tags: dork, dork-out, dorking, Living, Star Trek
September 16th, 2008
Since I have new living quarters I have come to affectionately name parts of my room after certain particular dorky things.
My desk with my computer = the helm or the bridge
My work area where I craft = engineering
My bed and my TV = the holodeck
My night table with all of my assortment of pills and what-nots = the infirmary/mess hall
And just like on Star Trek, I don’t have a toilet.
August 12th, 2008
I can’t post my poetry here anymore, as awful as it is, I mean the poetry not that I won’t be posting it… anyway. I didn’t know that my words were creating a rift between what I’ve come to know and what I need to be. It was so easy to keep all of that creativity pushed down, away from who I was trying to be day to day. You can’t be both people, you can’t have it all even if you try. And I have tried, and maybe it’s easier for other people. Maybe it’s all about compromising and literally having to be someone else for the rest of your life.
What comes from not knowing how you will feel after the mask is removed? When the curtain falls, when the dust settles…
Maybe that is why I stopped doing my art 11 years ago… it was who I was and I thought I wanted to be someone else. I think I associated everything bad in my life with that person, when really I wasn’t that bad person, it was just the shit storm I grew up in, or the bad that I was surrounding myself with, all of my addictions, living on the edge of something unknown. I think I ran away from the right thing into the wrong thing. I’ve always been bad with directions.
Filed under: Baby!, Bad Day, Etsy, Food, Good day, Living, Work, love | Tags: Baby!, Etsy, Living, love, SadieAndLeo.etsy.com, Work
June 15th, 2008
I had Nicco’s for dinner, holy goodness from Mexico.
I couldn’t print postage from Paypal tonight for my orders going out tomorrow, so that means right after work tomorrow I must make it to the post office before it closes.
I blurted out the ending to The Happening to Mike and he admitted that he wanted to see it even though it has only received bad reviews.
I forgot my sunglasses at home today so my eyes hurt.
I am so tired I want to cry but we have to try baby making tonight again… this shit’s hard work.
I found out today that I don’t have to go to the store manager’s regional meeting in Texas in a week, thank the gods. We’re down to three part management coverage and it would have been damn near impossible for me to go and for all of us to get our days off too.
iTunes is down.
Someone is getting stronger and finding that he has a voice and that he can use it.
I had a brand new buyer purchase from my jewelry shop today.
(You guess which is good and which is bad.)
