Filed under: Fun, Good day, Odd Random Stuff Day, happy, love | Tags: happiness, happy, hugs, love, Odd Random Stuff Day, strangers, Work
Filed under: Emotions, Living, Work, blogging | Tags: Blog 365, blogging, life, unemployment, Work
WARNING: WHINING AHEAD
I’m not ready to concede from this Blog 365, I refuse to let that defeat me too. Can you tell I’m on a downward spiral? I’ve been out of work for what seems like eternity, when in reality it has only been 19 days. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I do not miss that job in any capacity… please, I still have nightmares about it… I can still hear the fitting room bell in my head.
These are the things I’m trying desperately to deal with but aren’t having much luck:
1) My routine is gone. As soul crushing as my job was it gave me a routine. I suppose it could be compared to three meals a day/1 hour in the yard/lights out at 10, like a prison sentence but even criminals take to that life style; my life was so structured even when it was completely chaotic and detrimental to everyone else.
2) Failure. I’ve only been rejected by one potential employer but because of my track record of not really being too keen on not being accepted, it has made me recoil deeper into my shell. That’s a bad place to be, especially now.
3) I don’t want to, above all else, ever work a retail job again. It’s not the act off working a retail job, although that does have its obvious loathsome qualities. It is mostly the hours of operation, it’s not a normal life by any stretch of the imagination. I did it for well over the nine years, I’ve worked retail and retail Christmases since I was 16 years old. That is 16 Thanksgivings and Christmases f*cked up by being exhausted and hateful. It’s not fun and anyone who tells you it is is as delusion as I was while I was doing it.
4) Self-worth. Down the drain. I’m not contributing to this house hold and I am so filled with guilt.
5) Depression has many different faces, and while I won’t take away from others who honestly are afflicted with this disease, I will say that I do have my highs and my lows and they do seem to swing pretty rapidly.
Today, I am setting goals and I am going to try to keep my head above water, not get bogged down with worrying… it seems to creep in when you least expect it, but in the end I have to be honest and true to myself. I could easily turn around and walk right back into that sort of life again, where my job defined me and a paycheck held me captive, but I really can’t, for my heart and for my head and for the rest of my life.
Filed under: Emotions, Humor, Work, movies, youtube | Tags: half baked, quitting, Work, youtube
October 17th, 2008
October 14th, 2008
To Whom It May Concern,
This notification is to inform you that I am resigning from my position and employment with American Eagle Outfitters, my last day will be Saturday, November 1st, 2008.
Thank you,
Tara A Marchese
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
And there it is, 27 days away from my 9th year with that company and that is what it comes down to. I went through 9 managers, 5 district managers, about 25 assistant managers, and 100s of sales associates. In every store I worked at and with the exception of my present store manager and district manager, I earned and kept and protected their respect. The present leadership is so substandard that it would be embarrassing to try and uphold the pretense that that company still cares about its workers. It’s a mill and I need not have any part of it. I am strong and smart and resourceful and the funny thing is I have been all along, my greatest fault is that I thought it mattered there. I always clung to “if I do my job well, no matter what my job is, it will matter”. I have been proven wrong in the last 4 months. It has always mattered to me how well I do my job but it does need to be met with some form of acceptance and respect. A company that will allow their leaders to “push out” a tenured employee shows me that it is not the place for me. I witnessed first hand what this can do to people, good people, the kind of people I am proud to say I am still friends with and will always be friends with.
I will take my leave before this happens to me, proudly and with my dignity.
October 13th, 2008
I’ve been up since 4 o’ clock this morning.
I’ve registered on Jobing.com and set up my resume and have even applied with two customer service companies. I’m going to apply to “somewhere else” today, so many opportunities coming in ‘09 with the new distribution center here in Tucson. I feel like I’m taking charge and it’s so scary and so exciting at the same time.
I’m undervalued at my job so much so that it isn’t a matter of they-can’t-make-it-without-me, it’s a matter of I don’t care anymore. It’s about me now and my life and my marriage and my friends, doing the things that fulfill me and not my incompetent upper management.
I was “written” up yesterday at work for the first time in my NINE year career for something so petty that all it did was lift the veil of denial I’ve been living under for the latter part of this decade. I’ve known for a while now that a job doesn’t define you but I’m not proud of my job in anyway, and even those things that I once loved about it have been stripped away slowly and now I can see that it is nothing but a hollow shell of a pathetic existence… sorry, that was deep, going on 4 hours of sleep here.
I definitely have more, so much more to say on this subject and I will. But for now I must put on the happy face and go to work, but I can be assured that I will not be walking through those doors too many more times.
I’m going to be so tired later on, but I’m thinking the adrenaline and new found excitement of future prospects will keep me going.
October 12th, 2008
My job.
My boss.
Her boss.
Her boss.
Rules and regulations.
The general population.
Retail.
———————-
As if this came as a surprise.
Filed under: Work, holidays | Tags: costume, halloween, photographs, Ricky, shopping, Target, Work
September 23rd, 2008
Historically working for a manager who has enough kids to start her own basketball team I have never ever had a Halloween night off. This year is different, I work with a bunch of whippersnappers and gracious ones at that, and Emily (just about the nicest person on this planet) offered to close that night, so I will be able to partake in some kind of sugary festivities. I’m looking forward to it, now of course the conundrum is having to think up a costume. But maybe I don’t have to… I received this text tonight from Ricky and it is just about the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Not only did he get into this costume in the aisle of Target but he had the presence of mind to have his shopping companion snap a picture, because, and I quote: “I saw it and said TARA!!!”
I mean, how great IS that!?!
Filed under: Emotions, Etsy, Family, Food, blogging | Tags: blogging, David Cook, Eli Manning, Emotions, Etsy, Fij, Food, food porn, jenn, Mike, mother, Ricky, Sick, tag cloud, Work
July 18th, 2008
I don’t know who coined the phrase “food porn” but my sister gets the credit for introducing it to Mike and me. Ame’s a vegan so just about everything “consumable” fits into this category, and consumable, she’ll argue too. Food porn is fried, greasy, processed, sugary, evil and oh so good! The other week Mike turned our kitchen into a greasy spoon by throwing just about anything into a pot of oil turning out the best fried food this side of the Mississippi (seeing that the best fried food on the other side of the Mississippi happens to be found here.) We even considered frying the Twinkies but even I passed on that one. I don’t crave as much as I used to, I have an occasional hankering for something sinful and wrong, like eating at a chain restaurant… I know! We have all but ruled them out but I can’t say that I’m not excited to be going to one tonight. It almost makes up for having to attend something educational on a Friday night… can I bring my iPod? Can I text during it, please? I feel like a kid needing the promise of something heavenly at the end of something painful like having to go to the fabric store or the adult section of the public library… and I don’t mean adult like that, I mean like big ol’ dusty reference/microfiche section of the library.
* * *
I installed this new feature on my blog, it’s called a tag cloud, my friend Fij has it among others* and I thought it would be interesting. And it has been, to say the least. Maybe even eye opening, but not so much in a good way. There are those topics that I’m glad are there, like my Etsy shop name (yay), Mike’s name, Ricky’s name, Jenn’s Etsy shop (how sweet) and of course “David Cook” because I’m an obsessed crazy fan, but who’s really counting. Oddly, I guess I talked a lot about “Eli Manning”. Didn’t know that I had. But the one’s that really stick out for me are: sick, work, and emotions. Why aren’t happy, healthy, and feelings there? We are half way through the year and those are the highlights? Wait, I’m pleased with all of them through Eli, but after that… I’m sick of work, work makes me sick, and I’m emotional about it? Haven’t I been in that place for too long? A friend of mine turned it all around just a little while ago and he seems happier… I think. I mean, he’s so busy he doesn’t really update his blog anymore, as much anyway. So he assures me that he is well, and I believe him, he’s an adult and he can take care of his shit. And that’s my point, I’m not taking care of my shit.
I don’t know where this is coming from really. It started up again yesterday around midday. I knew something was in the air and then my mother called me almost near the end of my shift at work. Do I really want to air all of this here on my blog, f*ck yeah. This is my place, I don’t care how public it is… isn’t that the beauty of it all anyhow? I want to go on and on about how this was sh*tty and that was f*cked up, and how there was no love in my life for the better part of it… but where will that leave me? With more angry, sick, emotional tags popping up in my cloud. That damned cloud!
* * *
And that last thing… I don’t think that’s a good idea… and I’m not talking about an alcoholic bender (been there, survived that), I’m talking an emotional bender. I think I’m due.
